So you might read the title for this entry and think, hey Jamie.. blogs are totally a form of social media! In a way, absolutely, but I like the fact that I can control my anonymity on this platform. As you can safely assume.. I’ve deleted my social media accounts. No more Instagram, no more Facebook. Let me explain..
You see, I have anxiety, a worried mind, and am also a very private person. For years I had shared my thoughts, photos, videos, and felt compelled to upload something every day. It felt like a second world where expressing yourself was instantly acknowledged, unless people decided not to give you that “like” on your post. Last year just before I had my 28th birthday, I had an epiphany. I was no longer interested in sharing anything with over 100 people I never saw, actually talked to…or had any real interest in. Facebook was just a way for me to be guilted into fake internet “friendships” which consisted most times of no communication whatsoever, just to “keep connected”. I realised that staying connected to most of these people and my past was the last thing I wanted as I am trying to move into the next phase of my life. Old boyfriends would contact me, people I didn’t want to see would invite me to events.. it was like you were cornered. So many people are either addicted to lurking people’s lives, or sharing their own. It’s stealing our attention from our every day lives. No longer letting us take in a moment and enjoy it- but encouraging us to regurgitate it for everyone to see. Which a lot of times leads to people manufacturing and trying to recreate moments that have already happened…making it a lot less sincere. I cherish the little things in life, the little sometimes unnoticeable moments that make encounters with people or nature fascinating, so you can see how this would make me feel anxious. It also creates an enormous arena for secrecy. The cheating and sexually savage lifestyle this has created and perpetuated makes me sick. I’m not the boasting type and I’ve become completely creeped out at the evil beast social media has become. Turning everyone into narcissists or insecure mental cases. I was definitely one of the insecure mental cases. I would find myself comparing my looks to other girls, feeling embarrassed about my anxiety, and feeling uninteresting. The fact that people knew I was an anxious homebody most of the time and didn’t post every place I went or the people I hung out with on the daily, didn’t help either. I remember one post I had made after a while of not posting anything about my social outings, got a comment from an old “friend” saying something along the lines of “Wow you actually went somewhere!”. This irked me to my core. Firstly, I hadn’t even talked to him in God knows how long, so it’s shocking he would have the nerve to comment on my social life. Secondly, he was being completely condescending which is just a disgusting way to talk to anybody, nevermind the embarrassment I felt knowing everyone was going to see what he wrote. Lastly… this is saying something huge on how we are all perceived based on what we post and share on social media. I knew that if he believed this about me enough to comment on it, there had to be many others on my 100+ friends list that perceived me the same. I have a pretty great life as far as I’m concerned and because my daily experiences weren’t uploaded for my “friends list” to see… it was assumed I had no experiences. This scared me as much as it pissed me off. I’d go to parties and it’s like I should know everything about what’s going on in these people’s lives because they plastered it all over their pages. They barely asked me what was up with me, as they assumed it wasn’t much due to the lack of content on my page. I didn’t check theirs enough to keep up with them, I started to less and less once I noticed the shift in my energy when I was logged on. I felt bad about myself, and as much of a busy body as these sites made me, I really genuinely didn’t give a shit what people were posting. I went through a stage for months recently only posting great music I had heard until finally I realized nobody cared about that and this wasn’t a world I wanted to be a part of anymore. I didn’t want to pause my life to make sure I got that great shot of myself, or a moment, or my fucking food, just to fit in. It started to make me sick seeing this happen all around me. To go to parties where they spent more time taking multiple group shots and selfies all night than connecting with each other. I remember a birthday party where I was trying to play nice and got in a group shot I didn’t even want to be in (I hate getting pictures taken), they took literally 15 different shots and were about to take more from another angle… at that point I said “really guys, haven’t we taken enough?”… and got a simple “shut up, Jamie” from one of my “girlfriends” there. Disgusting, to say the least. She made me cry. Yes, I cried because I’m a big baby and it was rude. Plus I was honestly just completely overwhelmed that this is what life has come to with so many people. Especially girl cliques! Be into the social media lifestyle or be an outsider, basically. I deleted them about a month ago on a whim, with no regrets and no turning back. If I had to see another fucking selfie from girls starving for attention from anyone, or read another poor me post, I was going to lose my mind. It was making me hate everyone and see nothing but negative, self-indulgent intentions. It steals our genuine reactions to people’s great news or traumas. The interactions we used to have one on one or at least in person to share our lives are taken from us. People already know what’s going on, they’ve already reacted to it all alone with their faces in front of a screen. It’s all plays for attention, validation, and a clever way to collect all of your personal data. The privacy issues left me unsettled as well.. the apps were way too invasive. When I tuned into my physical, emotional and mental responses to being logged on, I realized I didn’t want the attention or validation. I needed neither. I have my family, my boyfriend and a couple best friends on my phone and that’s the only social outlet I needed. The weight that’s off my shoulders is unquestionable. It was 100% the right move on my part. No more posts and pictures in the back of my mind and less needless insecurity about my life. I feel free. I have a lot more to say on the topic but that’ll be for another post, another time. I wonder how many people on here are also turning away from other social media platforms. I wonder how many people (if any read this) will be thinking I’m an idiot for deleting Instagram and Facebook- because everyone has it! How would I survive without it!?
Easily, and happily.
Really consider if it’s a positive outlet for you and if it’s actually serving you. I’m sure for lots of people it’s a great source of communication and expression! For me, though, it became an unhealthy waste of time. Can you tell how frustrated it makes me! Clearly it was a step in a very positive direction… Time to focus on myself and let the necessary people and circumstances fall by the way side. Good Riddance! 🙂